Scary Monster of My Soul

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Scaling
of the Monster

Am I and Edgar Allan Poe the only ones that struggle regularly with the monsters within? Do they affect your writings on the day to day as they do mine? It seems as if they are being worsened by the lonely feelings, by the night, by the internal flight. I have to admit they are mine and mine alone each night.

 Naming 0f the Monster  

I found that to claim the monster is to name the monster. I have conceded, to that much fact. Much like all of life, however, we do not always hold all the power, and the monster knows that they now have their way with things. We are friends as long as the name given fits, but we all know that even the best days that will never last long, too often the naming is oh so wrong. I give up, call yourselves whatever you want.

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Feeding Time For the Monster

Really? Are you all hungry again? I just cannot win. Can one even help the sanity? What must one feed the monster within? Ok fine, just go ahead then. I have no say, no power, no really say these days at any rate. I let them eat, let them take, and sooner rather than later they will start to drift. Drift away, no wait. I can not be alone, please don’t leave me, I let you have your way.

 Lurking Within the Soul Monster 

Ah, too late. The monster has drifted. Away and away, further and further. I find that many days this monster is soul lurking, not one talking, not one trying. I have grown very weary. I have lost what little fight. The have begun to do whatever it is that they want. Now be scared as I am scared. Why might you ask? Those are the days in which you, him, her and I alike, must lie in wait.

Fading Into the Monster 

I have been waiting, and hoping, and praying. For what? For when? For the feeling of fear. At least with the fear, I know that the monster is near. If magically lucky, I can feel what little love the monster has had for me. What little despite. But no not today. Today the monster is fading. Fading oh so fast. Into my mental abyss, and without even a good-bye. No longer am I needed. No longer does that monster care. They are fed. They are full. They have no more need of me this night. No longer do they care or want to be that tight.

Feeling Just the Monster 

I thought we were okay. I thought that we had become tight. Oh so wrong, yet oh so right. The feeling of the monster has turned into a closeness, a normal, and an almost just right. Not tight I am afraid. They want the loneliness to creeps into my soul. They want me alone. Alone they have the power. Alone I hand over all the power. I allow the monster to win, allow the monster to welcome its kind within my mind.

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Becoming One With the Monster

Has it happened? Is it too late? Alas, too many years have now come and gone. No longer do they scare, no longer do they even care. There are now too many monsters I have learned are too great a number. They have been allowed to take completely over. They will tease, torment and even make me scream. Scream out in pain, screams out in wonderment. Will I ever, am to be let back in? Allowed to return, to entering, to join. It is my soul. Was it my soul? There are just too many of them. Have they won the fight?  My newest fear, my now greatest fright. This and now every night. The fear the fact. The night and the fight. Have they won? I thought it was just another battle.

Creating A Nightmare the Monster

Nightmarishly the monsters are wanting to have a say, a right, to win the fight. Dare I allow a hello? Will, it make them mellow? One might never know. I drift out of myself, with that woe I had felt. Tricked! I am a fool. Now as I rock here, they have begun the rule. No more control. No more cool. No longer do they even allow a little drool. Is this the end? Did I miss? Did they really make me silly? Silly beyond all the levers? Will I ever? Was I ever?

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Winning the Fight Monster

Winning is the monster. Tiredness is taking over. My eyes have grown heavy. y limbs like stone, now refuse to go. Make me beg, that is their want. I must bow down. Must rest. Allow me to now share the vision, they say. To speak, scare, to split the hair. We must share, the repeat. Over and over, that is all I now hear. I am no longer strong enough, no longer big enough. No longer can I continue to fight, for sure not the big fight.

Weeping Without the Monster

That is the fate. My end my newest friend. Sleeping and weeping the day has come to the end. The nightmare, me end, my friend …….

Introducing a New Monster

Allow me once last word? I will be fast. It will be quick. I promise not to fight, just wanting to say one final good night. The end is near. No one needs to worry, shed a tear if you might. Light is the outcome. There is no need to run, no hope, no chance. It is far too late for any such right, this night anyway.

They like you they say. Friends, if they may. Friends that only wish to play, as they say….

monsters

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